Squidward Ill Never Be Clean Again

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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Squidward'due south Sick Stupor" from Season 13, which aired on April 16, 2021.

• [The episode begins with a shot of the exterior of the Krusty Krab on a rainy solar day (which is actually Squidward'due south nightmare). A driblet of rain falls through a visible hole on the roof, and falls on Dream Squidward's caput.]
• Dream Squidward: Hey!
• [The photographic camera zooms out to testify a bunch of dream aroused customers.]
• Dream Client #1: What's taking so long?
• Dream Customer #2: I never got my fries!
• Dream Fred: [popping out from the ceiling] Why doesn't my father dear me?

• Dream Customer #iii: Come on! Why are you lot so slow?
• Dream SpongeBob: [putting his spatula on Dream Squidward] Hey, Squidward.
• Dream Squidward: Quit information technology.
• Dream SpongeBob: [putting his spatula on Dream Squidward once more] Hey, Squidward.
• Dream Squidward: Quit it.
• Dream SpongeBob: [putting his foot on Dream Squidward] Hey, Squidward.
• Dream Squidward: Quit information technology!
• Dream Mr. Krabs: [toilet flushes] Mr. Squidward, make clean upward in the head.

• Dream Squidward: [groaning]
• Dream SpongeBob: [putting his spatula on Dream Squidward once again] Hey, Squidward.
• Dream Mr. Krabs: [spills soda] Also, clean upward here.
• Dream Squidward: [whimpering]
• Dream SpongeBob: [putting his spatula on Dream Squidward again] Hey, Squidward.
• Dream Mr. Krabs: I said make clean up!
• Dream Customers: Squidward! Squidward!
• Dream SpongeBob: [putting his spatula on Dream Squidward again] Hey, Squidward. [loads of rain water fall on Dream Squidward.] [off-screen] [putting his spatula on Dream Squidward repeatedly] Hey, Squidward. Hey, Squidward. [on-screen] Hey, Squidward. Hey, Squidward.
• Dream Customers: Squidward!
• Dream SpongeBob: [putting his spatula on Dream Squidward repeatedly] [off-screen] Hey, Squidward. Hey, Squidward, Hey, Squidward.
• Dream Squidward: [his head falls onto the floor] Oh, no.
• Dream Mr. Krabs: Don't just lay there. Clean up! Clean up! Clean up!
• [Dream Squidward is on the floor and screams in fear]
• Squidward: [screaming every bit he wakes up from his dream] It was but a dream. Just a horrible, realistic, totally on point dream. Oh, I tin can't believe I'm dreaming about work when there's so many more interesting things I could be doing. Just wait at my unfinished painting. And my unfinished symphony. [music note falls of paper] And my uneaten strudel.
• Patrick: [eats strudel]
• Squidward: My strudel!
• Patrick: Merely tasted similar pie to me.
• Squidward: Information technology'due south a strudel, you barbarian. Just look at those pastry layers.
• Patrick: [eats pastry layers] Oh, aye.
• Squidward: Ohh... I just woke up and the mean solar day is already a disaster. I can't face the Krusty Krab today. I am staying home and diving into an body of water of Squidward.
• Squidward: [has a dream sequence of a waterfall, where he dives, paints a masterpiece of himself, plays some clarinet notes, eats one of the Bon Bons, which slips off his tentacle mitt and makes him shrug, and relaxes with the water pouring on him; when he wakes up, he finds Patrick drooling on him]
• Patrick: Anymore of that layer pie?
• Squidward: Exit! [Patrick falls] Now, to become rid of the other monkey on my dorsum. [monkey screeching groundwork sound event] [fakes coughing and calls Mr. Krabs]
• Mr. Krabs: [answers phone] Krusty Krab?
• Squidward: [fakes coughing and pretends to exist sick] Oh, Mr. Krabs, it's... [fakes coughing again] Squidward.
• Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward, what are you doing on the phone? You should exist working.
• Squidward: [fakes coughing] I can't work. Too... [fakes coughing again] sick. [fakes sneezing, spreading the germs to Mr. Krabs over the telephone]
• Mr. Krabs: You do sound pretty bad. You lot sure y'all're too ill to work?
• Squidward: [giggling] I mean, I hateful... [fakes cough] positive.
• Mr. Krabs: Hmmm. [grunts and sneaks his eye through the telephone to peek on what Squidward is doing] Mmm too ill, eh? Ohhh, I've got the cure for what ails ya. Well, you simply residuum up, Mr. Squidward. I'll accept care of everything.
• Squidward: Okay, bye, talk to ya-- I mean, I mean, uh... [fakes coughing and spits out the phlegm to one of Mr. Krabs' eyes] Adieu! [hangs upwardly phone]
• Mr. Krabs: [hangs up phone] No one fakes ill on Mr. Krabs and gets abroad with it. [removes Squidward'southward phglem from his middle] Ugh.
• Squidward: [singing and dancing] ♪ No work for me today / Mr. Squidward gets to play / No customers for me to fear / SpongeBob tin can accept a long walk off a very short pier ♪ Template:Knock at the door {{Fifty|Squidward|Oh that must exist the crudite I ordered. [Squidward opens the door] {{L|Squidward| Well I..whoa!! [Squidward sees Mr. Krabs at his doorstep and then he closes the door and opens it and comes out wearing a coating and a icepack]] {{50|Squidward| Oh Mr. Krabs. I didn't see you lot there. How thoughtful of you to visit me in my [fake cough] weekend stay. {{50|Mr. Krabs| Oh think nothing of information technology Mr. Squidward. You sounded then bad on the phone I rushed right over to make sure you were taking good intendance of yourself.

{{L|Squidward| Well I wouldn't want to infect anyone and then you should probably go at present. {{L|Mr. Krabs| Oh you are in no condition to be alone.That's why I brought y'all some help. [Mr. Krabs pulls out SpongeBob from behind his back wearing a doctors outfit.] {{L|Mr. Krabs| Accept one of these and telephone call me in the morning. {{L|SpongeBob| The doctor is in! {{Fifty|Squidward| Uh.. [SpongeBob wraps Squidward upwards in a blanket and holds him similar a baby.] {{50|SpongeBob| Squabble squabble squabble. [Squidward tries to break gratis from SpongeBob.] {{L|SpongeBob| Hush a bye now. Don't strain yourself. [SpongeBob kisses Squidward'south optics making Squidward angry as he pulls SpongeBob's lips making him fling.] {{L|Squidward| Humph! [Squidward hops over to Mr. Krabs.] {{L|Squidward| Really Mr. Krabs? This isn't necessary. {{50|Mr. Krabs| Of course it is. And if i find out you were faking information technology just to exit of piece of work i'll take to fire ya! {{L|Squidward| Oh no faking here. No I'm actually [fake wheezes] sick.[Squidward dashes away to SpongeBob.] {{50|Squidward| Okay back to the squabbling. [SpongeBob laughs kisses Squidward puts his icepack on his caput and he carries Squidward into his ain house and Mr. Krabs walks off laughing.

• SpongeBob: So, the volume told me to stretch his nose, shock him with jellyfish, and and so I scraped his lungs then cleaned them out with a toxic bounding main urchin. [Mr. Krabs laughs diabolically]
• Mr. Krabs: Priceless. [Squidward walks in the Krusty Krab tired] Well, Mr. Squidward, feeling better after your sick twenty-four hours?
• Squidward: You might say that. [takes off blanket and becomes handsome] [Mr. Krabs gasps]
• Mr. Krabs: He's glorious.
• Squidward: That'southward right! I used to be ill at everything, simply I'thousand non ill anymore. I've been plagued by toxins and stress, built upwards over the years at this job. But SpongeBob washed those away. [Mr. Krabs gasps and falls] At present, who wants to order? [laughs]
• Patrick: More layer pie.
• Squidward: I think I'thousand going to be sick.

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Source: https://spongebob.fandom.com/wiki/Squidward%27s_Sick_Daze/transcript